i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
