It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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