I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize