Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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