Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
