Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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