There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
