sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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