I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
