Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
