i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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