You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
