You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Found the puke drawer
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize