She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
