i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
