So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
