i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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