i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
