I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
