I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
