I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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