he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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