Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
