matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
