We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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