I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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