Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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