I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
