I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
