I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
