where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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