nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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