So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
