You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize