i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
