If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
