i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
