my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
