gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
