i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
