I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
