Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
