I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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