I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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