She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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