I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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