I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
