You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
