but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
