my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
