I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's always time for handjobs
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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