There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
