Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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