why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
