she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
