you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
