He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pants are for mortals
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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