Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
