ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
