So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
