Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize