i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
