the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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