I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
