im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
