Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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