no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
